Boredimus Maximus

Who does she think she is? A funny version of Kathy Griffin? Let me attempt to explain something to this monstrosity and embarrassment of a lecturer. You are NOT funny. You are NOT a good lecturer. And you DEFINITELY do NOT speak good English.

Allow me to paint a portrait for whoever is lucky enough to be reading this incredibly angry rant. You walk into your two hour marketing lecture which has been moved to 4pm on a Friday (your original day off) and find that instead of last year's brilliant, genius, charismatic and g-d like lecturer has been replaced by a chinese, monotone, 4'5", bad english-speaking and news agency-owning midget. Tears welled up in my eyes as I mentally snapped every pencil in the lecture theater.

THEN, just to smooth things over she decides that she wants to be a comedian for the first five minutes. Opening joke: "Hi, I'm your lecturer for this semester". More pencil snapping occurs...

I sat there for two hours, wishing for the projector to break down, a small zoo's-worth of animals to come stampeding in and for it to start raining beer all simultaneously. This would achieve a number of things. Firstly, the lecture would have to be stopped because the projector would stop working. Secondly, I would get drunk. Thirdly, the animals running around would provide fantastic entertainment and a classic moment to add to the memory bank.

This was the first lecture for this subject and I had already mentally snapped 36 pencils, 108 pens and 14 highlighters. Now I have set a precedent and need to beat this record next Friday, assuming I actually show up for that freak show.

Definition:
Boredimus Maximus
adj.
1. The condition of being so fucking bored that you actually start wishing to get totally drunk and watch a small zoo's-worth of animals start running around in the same room.
2. Having a monotone lecturer that you have troubles understanding and can't see because she is shorter than the podium she stands behind teaching you a potentially fun and entertaining subject that she has turned into bad cheese.