None of them will ever know how much it hurt when they didn't call or visit while I was alone, at home, in pain.

Stones and Pockets

It's night.

He strolls slowly. He kicks a stone along the cobbled street. It's cold outside. He can see the air exhaling from his mouth with every purposeful breath.

He catches up to the tumbling stone and kicks it again.

Despite the night chill, he wears just jeans and a t-shirt. His hands are in his pockets. He can sense the frustration, the hurt, the humiliation welling up inside him. He feels consumed by it, like the sensation of jumping into water. It surrounds him, confuses him, and offers no escape route.

He kicks the stone.

The moment runs through his head from start to finish on constant repeat. How could he be so foolish? How could he have bought such lies? How could he have shown such faith?

The stone dribbles onwards.

The shadows from the street lamps momentarily hide him from view. He re-appears underneath the next lamp, hands still in pockets. Head still down. Breath still steady. Pace still constant.

He ponders further. Was it his fault? How could it be? Is this the right solution? Is he doing the right thing?

He looks up and sees her standing there. Waiting. Her red dress sits tightly on the curves of her hips. Her arms are folded to protect herself from the cold. She shivers, and looks into his eyes. His breath falters, but he walks towards her still.

They stand opposite each other, shivering now not from cold, but from raw energy. She unfolds her arms and places her palms on his cheeks. She leans in, and they kiss. Her left arm wanders around his neck and pulls him closer. He embraces her around the waist and holds her tightly. The passion is electrifying. The street is empty. And so their love continues.

He opens his eyes. The mirage disappears. She is gone.

He puts his hands back in his pockets.

He kicks the stone forwards.

He walks.

Life Update

OK. So it has been over two months since my last post. I'm terribly sorry. I'm a bad person, yada yada yada, etc. etc.

So a brief update before I start posting again.

Things on my to-do list that I have accomplished:

-Girlfriend..............................check (almost 3 months and counting)
-Employment.........................check (kids sportscoach, grade 1-4)
-Still at uni..............................check (and with good marks!)
-Eternal happiness................working on it (don't judge me, it's harder than it sounds. i'd like to see you try)

So that's me in a nutshell over the past two months.

Now, back to writing...

P.S. It's good to be back

Live. Love. Learn.

My new life motto. Starting as of now. Amazingly enough, I am managing to do all 3 at once.

I am definitely living my life right now. University parties and functions are flowing thick and fast at this point. No to mention all the separate birthday parties and big nights out with friends.

I am definitely loving right now. New starts with special people. New friends. New appreciations for what is important to me. I'm starting to realise exactly what and who I love. An important step in my life.

Learning......... Everybody is constantly learning. Whether it's voluntary or not, every day we will learn some basic lesson. I also happen to be doing the more difficult form of learning - studying. Hoorah! But it's for the best. I think I'm finally getting my head around that now :)

On the note of living and new life mottos. I have a new motto for when I go out and party. It is quite simply:

Suck it up. Back it up.

Translation: Stop whining and have another one!

I think we can all learn a lesson from me and live by these inspired, helpful and rather insightful maxims.

Happy living!!!

Human Basics

What is it to show respect?
What is it to show you care?
What is it to be fair?

Since childhood, we are instilled with a basic values system by which we govern our actions and live our lives. But how is it, that in a society that puts such emphasis and being "a good person", individuals can go so far astray. I'm not talking about the extremes such as theft, abuse or even murder. I'm talking about every day situations - such as treating those you "care about" the way one would treat somebody you "care about". How can somebody instill such hope, faith and joy into another human and then strip it away a moment later? How can a person speak words of passion and love, and by their actions deem them to be hollow and without meaning?

I don't understand. Shouldn't the norm be that when a person's feelings are at stake, then showing respect and being fair be the only correct course of action?

I recently experienced what it is to be let down by somebody you thought better of. Frankly, it sucks. It's that simple. And while you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that at some point you will be let down by those closest to you, nothing can ever prepare you for the feeling of finality that accompanies it. And nothing will ever prepare you for the disappointment - and at times anger - you will feel in those people. Try as you may, you won't ever forget.

It's sad.

I wish it weren't so.
A lot.
And often.

I'm sorry...

Broken Skin

It penetrates his very being. It courses through his body, spreading through every inch like a poison. A fire in his mind. A thunderstorm in his heart. A hurricane in his soul. He struggles to move. His limbs are heavy. His skin begins to crack. He is - for the first time - experiencing the sensation of emptiness. Nothingness. The spark is extinguished. The twinkle disappears. The cool breeze surrounds him. The sun's rays suddenly carry no warmth. His eyes betray him. So he leaves. Without a fight.

He simply leaves.
He is forced to leave.

There is no good reason for any of this.


He wonders, "It's not fair."
He responds, "Life's not fair. Let it go."

And eventually, he did...

Roger

Roger walked in and sat.

"I hate this couch. It symbolises all that is bad. It is misery, pain and anger - with a hint of confusion. I think I can taste a bit of getting ripped off too. It's pretty comfortable though. Does it come in a light blue?"

Sophie smiled and swept her dark hair to one side. She crossed her legs over and stared over at Roger, deep in thought. But said nothing.

Time passed. The stand-off continued.

Light peered in from under the lowered window shades. The room was all but bare. Two black couches faced each other. The air-conditioner hummed and purred, but to little effect. There were no paintings, no tables. Nothing friendly. But Sophie.

Roger stood, paced for 10 seconds, and sat back down. He took off his glasses and ran his hand through his hair.

"What can i say?"
"What do you want to say?" came the reply.

Roger couldn't help but smile.

"You're useless. I'd have as much fun talking to my apple."
The minutes passed.

Silence consumed the room like air. They breathed it. Deep, slow breaths.

Sophie made the move, "Change the circumstances. Go back one year. Before everything. Were you happy?"
"No."
"And now?"
"No."

"Can you see yourself being happy?
No. "Depends".

"Interesting".
"Well spotted Sherlock."

"What would make you happy?"
"You know."
"Anything else? Not money, fame, fortune? Sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll? A lamborghini. World peace?"
"No. Although I wouldn't turn down the car if you're offering..."

Sophie looked Roger up and down. She had known him for years. But he had changed somehow. Not visibly. He had discovered something. Someone.

"You're depressed", she commented. "But I thought you told me what you uncovered was an incredible thing."
"That's the irony of love. It warms your heart, but often it burns it. You know how to tell a man is in love? His mood swings are bigger than a woman's."
"What a lovely sentiment."
"I love her."
"So do something."
"I did. That's the problem. That's why we met, remember?"
"True."

Roger looked at his shoes. Sophie examined them too.

"You only live once. Jump in head first and hope you land in water."
"Thanks, Sophie. But if there is one thing I've learnt from our sessions, it's that you undoubtedly did not listen to your Psychology lecturer."

"See you next week?
"12pm Monday suit you?"
"Absolutely."

Roger paused at the door. He placed a finger on the handle, turned, "I hate her. But only for the next 5 minutes. You see my mood swings? I'm in love."

And he left.